Beginning vs Procrastinating

I have learned listening is critical to me being me, authentically me

understanding the voice directing my next step needs, requires, a knowing of who is speaking, before stepping forward

every.single.time.

whose voice is it, mine or theirs, soul or society

when it is not mine, I procrastinate

when it is mine I proceed

there is a distinct feeling in my being when it is my voice I am listening to, mine, not theirs

when it is theirs I find ways to procrastinate, to make the moment beyond approach, their voice intitiates fear

mine immediately recognizes my next steps moving me further in thought but especially in trust into more of me

my voice intitiates courage

this is my path

this is where I begin

here now I begin living as me regardless of societal norms, it is me I am here to listen to, not them

smile … it is your superpower, I know it is mine … Nancy

Owning what I say

listening to my words, spoken, written, speaking each word out loud, is owning what you say

remember this, I need to remember this DAILY

it is how you solidify you, build you within repeating your words to YOU, why wouldn’t you, if you beleve in them so much, offering them to others, why then, would you NOT say each word with intention, why would you NOT say each word each day, why would you NOT UNCLUDE YOU

early morning coffee, thinking, for me this goes hand in hand, listening to what is in my mind, roaming around, curiously peaking my interest, and even peeking through for attention, I listen

coffee cup #2 while brewing I hear words calling out, I grab my journal still on the back porch, I think to self, where will this go, what will be revealed, this time

my sons are grown men, living life, experiencing life, for a while now I have wondered, how have they changed, shifted, grown, moving deeper into their soul, their truth, who are they NOW from where they were as children growing with ideas of life, imagination, dreams of what might be, what are their ideals of life now, their dreams, what has changed for each one, who are these two grown men today, are they happy

my teachings, my words to self, are about growing into ones self, shifting, transforming, opening, acknowledging, honoring what it is one believes, ones truth and yet, I am guilty of holding on to yesterday, memories of what was, time together, favorite times shared, I am realizing more and more being given the gift of age, eyes seeing through deep wisdom, this is the living part the journey of life offers, remembering and moving through each stage, each cycle, with love and respect for what was … my next step, I need to remember, what is was, what is now

if I want to grow and transform and live fully with each breath I am given, I need to be now, I need to be me

to stay in was, holds each of us back, stagnant, stuck in was, blocking forward movement, expansion of our knowing, we are in was until we are not

it is time to cherish and let go of … was, it is now, I am now, different than was, as are my sons, we are growing with each breath we breathe, becoming who we are here to be, we are not was, we are now

letting go is NOT forgetting, it is very different

letting go is allowing was to be integrated into one’s being forever as the loving thread life has woven into the tapestry of ones being, everpresent, always a present to unwrap remembering the love of was

when we are able to do this, when I am able to do this, to allow remembrance without holding, I give freedom to my sons, to be who they are, wherever they are, because I know their love for me is deep, everpresent, my present to unwrap whenever I need to, wherever I am in life, they are part of me

we had heavy rain yesterday, closing out September, October has entered with a lingering blanket of quiet cloud cover, unsure if rain will return, this quiet entry into October for me, is bringing rest, retreat, realigning me with my truths, evergrowing into who I am, this morning is peaceful, writing these words I feel my sons beside me, we are laughing and enjoying our time together

by listening to me, me doing me, I am opening others, my sons, to be who they are now, living in this space becoming the beings they are within, allowing each one to listen to their soul’s direction, I wish them great love, joy, blessings of life to expand brilliantly each moment, each breath they take, transforming their life as life unfolds, I wish you endless love, the love you have given me

I love you Joshua and Jeremiah, the 2 greatest gifts I have ever been blessed to receive, you both teach me something new each day, yes even now I hear you both, ‘Mom, listen to your words, we are here, we love you always’ so too my sons, am I with each of you, forever … I love you

smile … Mom … Nancy

Blessings of Disarray times a Zillion

endles stories waiting translation in my being, where to start

words flow, early hours, late hours, seems dark is preferred environment for words to be revealed

I find this most interesting

in recent months, with continuous chaos very much active in my life, I have asked sleep to return me to darkness, not as an escape, well being totally honest here, perhaps it is an escape for a bit, I ask to return to the brilliant space of darkness where stars are bold, always waiting to be seen, feeling their invitation to me, inviting me to remember me, who I am, why I am here now in this absolute chaotic disarray, darkness stars universe asking me to remember home, remember truth of my existence, reminding me I am more than a body, I am exciting, fantabulous, exceptional, I am everything anything all things in any given moment … when I choose to truly REMEMBER ME and what I am … PRICELESS ONE OF A KIND WORTH REMEMBERING

when I was little, second grade, I distinctly remember crying, curled up in a ball, almost like me hugging me, saying out loud, ‘I want to go home’ yet oddly enough, I was in my bed, so I was technically home, so now, I find my desire to reuinite with darkness stars universe most fascinating

perhaps I knew more in second grade than I realized, hint hint nudge nudge, note to self, listen closer to what you hear, pay attention

I have always loved the power of words to heal, even in deep pain, words will heal when given time to feel each one, spoken, unspoken, what is within needs to move through, when we are ready to let the word go, we heal

trauma has had a grip on me, I am finding its hold weakening, triggers still surface, I am better at recognizing these now, I am healing

the words below I wrote this morning, my perspective on this wild road I have been walking, falling, stumbling my way through, and sill, I am moving through my way, best way for me, I am a ‘healing walking sitting standing falling and yes crying being’ in progress

if you are still reading this, thank you, very nice to meet you

I hope you find inspiration on this road that brought you here, I believe being here with me now, whether laughing, crying, saying whatever, to these words, this is not a coincidence, we share steps to hold the hand of another on their walk, planting seeds through moments shared that may lay dormant for a while until one day they are nourished, ready to take root

be well, smile and know, you are far far far from being alone, because you see in the dark of night, universe holds you close in the brilliance of their stars, waiting for you to return to you

………….

my morning monments…

what I have

right here

right now

is space

to

rewrite

my

story

realigning with me

redefining

me

separating

old

and

new

inviting

my next right step

allowing space for it to be

revealed

what I have now

in this ultimate chaos

is me

inviting me

to live

what I love

openly

being a mirror to you

showing

whatever the moment

grace

gratitude

guts

are always present

because

grace

gratitude

guts

is

who

you

are

and

who

I

am

we are here

together

finding

our way home

to

our

truth

this is the healing process

smile … Nancy

do you believe we are in rhythm

I feel most connected to life outdoors, sharing space with dragonfly, wings open and powerful, soaring above and around, knowing our presence one to the other is shared space, each one swirling in the grace of magic

movement or stagnation, it is a choice, our moments each day offer a selection, it is never one, however based on our moment we may see only one if grief, pain, sorrow is deep, honoring this space we are in is critical in order to witness the moment of change, when we see we have a choice

eruption of anguish shifted me, pouring out my pain in the way I knew, in words, writing what I was hearing, eyes blurring by tears and yet I knew it was important, not just for me but for you as well, to share is to see a way through from the eyes of another in tears

in this step I shifted, I felt rhythm return, light brightened in my darkness, pain, grief, sorrow is darkness asking to be witnessed, my soul cried wept in this space of pain, waves of darkness swept over and through me, it is the process, moving through this darkness to get to you, your light, you are waiting for you

in this anguish as I wrote words I felt an energy, a surge of strength, fight, an awareness, inviting me to remember who it is I am, who I really am

a woman of great strength, great power, great joy, incredible creativity, wondrous imagination, holding a depth of love of hope unmeasureable, I am a mother, a sister, a daughter, a granddaughter, a niece, a wife, a widow, a woman of loss, a woman of wonder, I am a child of God, who created me to be exactly who I am, a being meant to be a reflection to all women saying, you are all of this and more, we are here together to honor each other with our stories, speaking of life, our greatest success our greatest loss, it is all of our moments that brought us to now

knowing we are each on a journey, to experience life, all of life, not just the easy fun parts, all of life includes the pain, loss, sorrow, devastation, making our way through one tear at a time, our rhythm does return, our true rhythm, our essence of who we really are and why it is we are here, opens

my friend the dragonfly carried me through my pain, showing me, I too had wings to fly, to soar above as below, honoring all of me, each aspect, showing me I had the power to see, witness, move into and through my darkness, to get to now, I was not alone, I am never alone, ever

and neither are you

always here, we are in this journey together, sharing our words, our stories, healing as one, we fly with dragonfly in rhythm with life receiving the magic our spirit seeks remembering the unique incredible soul we came here to be, soar with me on the wings of love hope inspiration, we fly as one through the sky with the wings of dragonfly, dreaming our dreams into life because to dream is to return to our souls magical rhythm within

still here … smile Nancy

Ask me

my story, who am I, questions I have been asked to answer

why am I here, this website, sharing my soul with the world, why

okay, I will tell you

I am a fighter a woman of great strength, experienced great loss and the deepest of pain and yet, here I am, still breathing, still walking, still sharing pieces of me to help you become you, I am a mirror to you

believing that life is a gift, more than a moment but experiences that grow us into who we are here to be, opening doors, pain, sorrows, joy, dreams asking to be believed, I am here for you

it is in the moments we share others realize, they are not alone, they are seen, they are people remembered, finding strength in weaknesses shared, finding common ground when for years they believed their existence didn’t matter

okay listen to me now, pay attention, your existence matters, you matter, I matter, we are all in this together as one being of hope, offering connection through our stories, never are we one, we are all

today, I suffer greatly, my pain powerful, I am one when I was two, losing my best friend, my sweet Chai, my dog of 12 years, I am floundering terribly, grasping at whatever I can reach just to try to hold on, one more minute, I am lost, and yet, I was drawn to come here to tell you, hang on

life is a series of events, change is constant, yes words spoken through the centuries and still so absolutey true

ask me about tomorrow, hell I have no clue about the next 5 minutes

I am still here because I believe life matters, if I did not, who knows about tomorrow

we are in this life together for a reason, I have no clue why, I only know that words speak to me, so I write, knowing what it is that comes to me is to be shared, and share I will, you can take what fits, leave the rest, it matters not to me, only that you realize, you matter, as do I

I am here, I will write, I will share my love for Dragonfly and the gifts nature offers, even in pain that is beyond words, my heart mourns a great love, a friend that knew me, loved me, without care about yesterday, only today

to anyone reading these words, you are loved, never doubt that, remember always you matter, it is why I am writing these words now, they are for you to read, to feel, to absorb, you matter as do I

I am your friend, you are not alone … Nancy

Loss to renewal

I am a garden

requesting

tending

nourishment

honoring

the gentle pull

of weeds

removing

was

feeling

soil enriched

by touch

this garden

seeds

of soul

rooting deep

ready

to blossom

I am a garden

entering

full bloom

we begin when we allow our self to feel, to see, to go within and trust what is there, we are waiting for our return

smile … Nancy

Remembering

rainbows

many meanings

many ways revealed

change

inevitable

loss transforms in time

mourning

steps before

steps after

deep sorrow fills me

remembering

knowing arrival is soon

we are given moments

offering wisdom

peace

waiting

however long needed

to be received

sorrow is deep

and still

you returned

same place

knowing

I needed you

hope

rainbows

magic

all real

all arrive

when time is right

grateful I am

for devastation loss pain

here I find miracles magic

strength

to take

another step

hugs … Nancy

Imagine Create Believe

to be kissed

by the breath

of a word

not yet heard

is magic awakening

smile … Nancy

Beautiful Strawberry Moon Bright and Full Release from Me what is not Mine to Carry any longer

peace returns in the early hours of morning, weekends offer me a return to peace, to rest

I listen to what calls to me, what is my need, what do I need to know for me this day

these words came through, I smiled, fear of 'how much longer' moved into me last night before sleep

pushing through the fear, I kept saying to self, I am okay, I am

this sweet photo, a friend moving through offered me rememberance, light is always found in the dark

I hope this brings peace to whoever reads these words, rest allow remember, you are waiting for you

-------------------

there is something

drawing me inside

a mystery

unfolding

asking me

step aside observe

listen

feel

it is here where you

will

meet

you

this cannot be rushed

deadlines do not exist

this place

simply is

waiting

for you

to return

to you

to

remember

every thing does work out

everything

when

you remember you

trust

smile … Nancy

another thought

deciding direction personal choice listening to the voice within

challenges arise with ego pushing back questioning why

years of conditioning tell me

I am not as good as you

ego reminds me daily

except today

today my muse says okay watch and see sweet ego

I shall prove you wrong this day

it is time for me to play and you to observe

colors of passion within have awakended

the muse is in the house and we are here to stay

ego step aside

make room

magic is awake and everything you believed is gone

joy has moved in and we are here to stay

song of soul is playing

indeed

it is time to play and take this day by storm

move over move along or simple sit in silence sweet ego and observe

time is now to change reframe rewire what it is you think you believe

the game begins

soul and heart are in charge now

ego please rest

you did well to protect only now it is time to explore for me to be me in all my glory

to write my story

to listen to me that calls

world is waiting and we have been invited to live to play to shine brilliantly

so we shall this day

live boldly from the heart from soul

joy is in the house to stay

smile … Nancy

ALWAYS OK AM I

always thinking, always listening, always knowing

always am I

ok

always

(though to be totally honest, I do have doubts, yes a lot, yet I hold to this truth I believe)

I said to a friend who asked how I was doing this week

'I was good, working on great'

it was all I had to offer

this morning these words spoke to me, I wanted to share

to me it was

encouragement

to keep believing in life

age is irrelevant

---------------

we grow old

not to fade away

but to embrace

all of who we are

and still

to be

knowing

ones heart is full

of a life lived

in joy

in grief

in celebration

in pain

is

who we are

we grow old

to feel deeply

our journey

all of who it is we are

is this moment

now

we grow old

to live

yet again today

to experience life

yet again

tomorrow

if tomorrow is gifted once more

my mantra

'love is my experience'

in life

the lens through which I view

my moments

now

yes

I grow old in number only

within I play

each day

celebrating

me

smile … Nancy

drifting reframing beginning again

surreal

more than seven months since storm processing highs lows highs many more lows

Hurricane Ian following covid followed by covid

still

I am here for a reason still holding to a smile this too will pass I believe

PTSD paid a visit more than one flashbacks with a rain storm moving through wind trees sway a sound I jump

Chai my sweet friend hanging in with me my lifeline I believe she knows this perghaps I am hers as well

life

changing rapidly in ways unfamiliar taking each moment as it arrives deep breath one step one step one step

my heart is here this website dragonfly photos dreaming of more butterfly flower photos my love for nature

yet outside deep pain my yard weeps for the loss brokeness exists until it does not or will it not

many are the questions within wanting to know when will healing return home return life return to home

waiting

smile with me, we got this

Nancy

and now it is Christmas

amazing time swift forward motion even when sitting in stillness

change always in motion

life work always in motion change always present

perhaps the gift

motion change a gift of awareness

what comes does go

2022 will close 2023 will open

yet always each day of previous years live within our being

offering wisdom for days yet to arrive

a gift change motion

reframe rewrite rearrange what needs adjusting

2023 is waiting

for you

and

for

me

Merry Christmas and yes, I will return with my dear winged friends, I promise

Nancy

DEVASTATION TO RESTORATION … HURRICANE IAN 9.28.2022

if I slip out of my orbit

into a lower orbit

how then

do I return

to the orbit once shared with Dragonfly

when seasons

have shifted

return to the moments

memories

of photographs taken

time shared

where love blossomed

deepened

capturing this essence

embedded

within the photo

eternally present

fly ever higher

here

once more

on shared wings of joy

it is here

you return

to the orbit of you

high above

disarray

allow this Joy to return

allow soul to remember

smile and know

here

you are always home

wherever you are

here

you are

always

one with the Dragonfly

love is the essence

of the photo

shared gifted

moments offered

to be remembered

to return to often

feeling this delight of magic

rise up from within

this is eternal

within the photo

this

is the offering of Dragonfly

time shared is forever

an unbreakable bond

woven within your soul

a reminder

your true friends

never leave you

waiting

‘we want what we want when we want it’

I have heard that phrase more than a few times in my many years of life

disappointment became a reappointment of my direction my focus

practicing the art of perception, perceiving, over time throughout my life from a very young age

what felt difficult when I was young became a catalyst for me to try new ways to see a different direction, perspective, stepping outside of me into the shoes of another, feel what they feel, see how they see, imagine what they might be imagining in this moment

teaching my self this step early on has offered me ways to see differently what I thought I saw firstly

second view shifted how I felt, releasing ideas that didn’t feel too great

sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t, but, I always tried to see differently

perhaps this was the birth of my love for words, very young, practising the rearrangement of words became a bit of Joy and Fun, wondering what new thought phrase combination of words might evolve

oh to add to that, word evolvement thought, this could totally be why I learned to screw up my words so incredibly well, just ask my Sons, they can attest to trying to understand what it was, Mom was ‘really trying to say’!

always imagine what could be

want what you want while allowing what you want to be the right want for you in this moment

this is patience, yes it takes practice and flexability

however

it is worth the wait and makes for an interesting journey along the way

…

‘every horse should have a back pouch’

what was I really trying to say! one of my more epic moments shared with my youngest son while driving, I was laughing so hard that I had to stop the car!

smile…Nancy

Finding a way to quiet

be a listener

be that

just

be

and listen

smile…Nancy

Ethers

sometimes I think, where do I begin, where do I end, do I end, do I begin, or am I just as I am now

space is everywhere as am I

I know what I know but so much I wish to know more of, questions about this space before now and after now, what is it exactly, why is it that I am in this space of now, is there a reason now is now, indeed now is here for a reason

a curious place it is, this place of now

a wondering of what this is, who am I, what is next, will I be me, or perhaps someone else within me emerging

words intrigue me

can you tell

always am I curious about any given moment I am given

smile, our story is not yet finished, as am I, still growing into the reason I am here, in this moment of now

pretty cool, don’t you think, I do

smile…Nancy

Early hours before Dawn

mornings are my favorite time of day, greeting the sun as it greets the day, slowly rising up at the horizon

when I drive to work I cross the Peace River, having done so for 33+ years, I have watched through the seasons the sun rising in the east in different locations looking across the water, offering spectacular visuals of color, clouds, sometimes fog, as I cross the bridge headed south

I smile thinking, I should bring my camera and maybe be a little late for work, one day I might just do that

with each new dawn, sun rising once again, we are given one more day to be a better person, to share a smile, a thought, teach, listen, to do something that honors your soul, offering gratitude for this time gifted to us we so often take for granted

I wake often in the early hours long before my alarm is set to sing, with words running through my mind, this week was one of those mornings, tired absolutely yet I know these words are incredible swimming in my mind, so, on goes a light, journal and pen in hand, I write, and yup true to my knowing, I am never disappointed, tired perhaps, disappointed never, grateful I wrote what I heard

below is part of what I wrote, I love these words, my Mantra, I repeat them daily, they speak a profound truth, I may add them to one of my Dragonfly photos and order an acrylic for my wall, ooohhhhh I’m kinda likin that idea a lot, I will keep you all posted on what I choose to create for my wall Art

and this reminds me, perhaps soon I shall ponder sharing even more Dragonfly photos, I have so so many that are exceptional, simply asking to be seen hanging on your walls inspiring you to remember what these words are saying below … we are all connected and we share the Dragonfly Magic in our souls, as one, as the collective

I have a series of 3 photos, a gorgeous golden Dragonfly, with amazing expressions, looking through the lens I was giggling so hard camera kept shaking and I would lose my focus point, yes I do enjoy this time shared with the Dragonfly and the amazing gifts they give to me, I am honored to capture their Magic with my lens, really no words can describe this Joy within me as I share sacred space with each one

…………………….

Uniquely Divine is my mind, collectively we are Magnificent … written by Nancy Baker Shearer

smile…Nancy

Ebb and Flow Within

we are the ebb and flow of tides, of clouds drifting across the sky

calm serene still, the water the sky, beautiful blue on blue until the storm arrives, in an instant we shift we feel disturbed, questioning life

suddenly within a tempest of unsettled energy emerges, where is it to go, why is it here, what do I do

this ebb and flow surfacing, errupting within, this disturbance daring to rise up to reach the surface of me, do I listen to the voice seeking release

it is here, make no mistake, it is real, I choose to listen to sort to honor to allow the darkness within to rise to give light to its words too long held in silence

to understand the why, is to heal its pain anger hurt fear, this energy long buried now asking to be heard

to be given a face in the darkness of me, to be felt understood, to be released, to be known seen as part of me, it is real

this is you - all that is you - all that is - within

we are light and we are dark, it is one

yes, we move with an ebb and flow, a drifting, we ask to be free of all debris we hold within to rest in the calm stillness of blue on blue

this disturbance that dares to disrupt this moment, this now, erasing the calm with turbulance is you, all of you asking to be recognized understood

to see that both exist light and dark, it is how we grow to know our truth, everything teaches something

only when we allow the energy within to open will we return to calm, in time we heal what we feel within, buried through time, lifetimes of time

we are the ebb and flow of tides, of clouds drifting across the sky questioning our why

it is the ebb and flow that gives us direction to know the next right step waiting

this is is how we heal, to see the why behind the blue on blue, this is the birth of the rainbow that waits to be revealed

smile…Nancy

Heartbeat

tending soul ‘s garden

nourish often what you love

and

what loves you

feel the heartbeat of life

within

too soon things are gone, a touch, a thought, a being, a blossom, a raindrop

until

a new touch, a new thought, a new being, a new flower, a downpour of raindrops nourish heal

what is missing

rainbow renews reflects love

restoring soul’s garden of hope

remember to tend what matters

ones heartbeat

the garden within

smile…Nancy